One of the chief lessons you learn on this journey is how to handle disappointment. At first every single time things didn't work right, before we started with the assisted route, I was devastated. I felt loss and failure in such a keen way, it was crippling.
Obviously I couldn't continue on that emotional rollercoaster because it's not healthy for me or any future child I might carry. At first I tried not getting excited or hopeful, but that made the entire process a chore. I keep being reminded in so many subtle ways, that this is about my husband and I starting something amazing.
We work on keeping things fun and remembering to focus on our love.
It's hard at times. Like last week when the clomid cycle went nowhere. I'll admit to a few crying bouts and conversations with God that sounded a lot like whining, even to me. However, I got busy living my life and spending time with people I love and found out that it's not the end of the world.
In fact, we made the incredibly hard decision to take a month off then try again. Stress and anxiety aren't going to help.
Neither is wallowing in the lows - so here's to the next time, and the slivers of hope I cling to...
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