Friday, October 19, 2007

DPMs - Round 2

DPM #3: Send a love letter this week

What? Why would I do this? That would require me a: having someone to send a love letter to and right now, not even my family members are deserving of a love letter. Can you spell PMS?; b: writing a love letter on actual stationary which is an ordeal in itself. Who writes longhand anymore? Secondly, if you didn't mean that and are ok with email or some form of texting - how tacky are you. Eww. c: remembering to send said love letter - this week. Dude, I pay for everything online. I can't be bothered to remember to mail in anything. I gripe when I have to fax things into the insurance company. I buy birthday, Christmas, and other holiday cards for people all the time. Occasionally I actually write in them but I rarely remember to send them. I, at this moment, have three father's day cards and two birthday cards for my dad, two birthday cards for my brother, three for my sister, a mother's day card (I feel more guilt at this time of year, I actually do remember hers most of the time), three wedding cards (Sorry guys!), and.. an Easter card- for whom I don't know. Love letter? Give me a break.

DPM #4: Watch reruns, they replay your memories.

What kind of crack do you Dove people smoke? Seriously, what the hell does this mean? If I watch old episodes of Dallas, Knots Landing and the Brady Bunch, I can guarantee the only memories I'll replay is being broke and lonely as a kid. Thanks. If I watch Dukes of Hazard, Good Times, Jeffersons or Sanford and Son, all I see is why we don't live in the South anymore and that being a person of color is a hard life to have. If I watch Tom and Jerry, Gilligan's Island and I Dream of Jeannie, I'm reminded that sometimes living in a fantasy world is better than reality. Either way you shake it, I'm going to be giving my therapist a lot of money. Thanks. Jackass.

I embrace my failure!

So, I was talking with a coworker today about an administrative problem I will not be able to have corrected until upper management gets their collective heads out of their collective behinds. Jokingly, he says to me, "So, it sounds to me like what you're saying is, you're failing us yet again."

I laughed and said, "Yes. Yes, I am. And you know what, I'm ok with that - in fact, I embrace my failures." Laughter all around because quite honestly, I'm one of the hardest working people in this office. None of the rest of those wiseguys was at work until 9pm last night trying to fix the unfixable - nope, just me.

Anyway, after my comment I hear someone in a nearby cubicle (because privacy is an illusion the government doesn't even try to fake) say, "Hey, I didn't know you were married. You were talking about your spouse right? I call mine 'Failure',too."

I ended up just walking away, but I was left with an important question. Is this normal? Is this where all marriages are destined to end up? Seriously, I would hate to marry someone and one day find myself making jokes at their expense to a bunch of strangers. This is seriously bothering me today.

God, I'm such a girl sometimes. Well, all the time, but you know what I mean.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

New Direction

I've made a decision. (Insert applause - I'll wait.)

This blog is going in a new direction, something more concrete than just the 2 lies and a truth game - which will still be ongoing. I am basing it on those stupid Dove Promises Messages (DPM). Some of them are amazingly insightful - ok one or two, but the rest are just waiting for someone to make fun of them.

That someone is me.

DPM #1: Get your feet massaged
This is very good advice. Everyone should do this at least once. Now, I know you are scoffing at the very idea, citing it as a waste of money and time but hear me out. In the United States, adults are always on the go. In fact, we often neglect our health, dreams, friends and hobbies in search of money, fame or some other ambition you can't take with you. If once a week - heck, once a month! - we took twenty minutes for ourselves for something as simple, pain-relieving, ultimately relaxing and self-indulgent as a foot massage, I think we'd be happier people and more able to focus on the important things. It's very hard to think about work, stressful situations at home, money problems or global warming when your feet are getting massaged. Try it sometime - you'll be amazed.

DPM #2: There's no excuse not to dream
Well... to a certain extent this is true. You should always have goals or life becomes predictable and boring. But that's not what this says, it says there is no excuse not to dream. Like you can control it, right? I mean, daydreams sure - those you can turn on and off and honestly, you shouldn't be daydreaming... you have work to do. But honest-to-goodness dreams, those aren't exactly on the pick and choose menu. You either fall asleep and dream or you don't and sometimes you just don't remember doing it. What if you're drugged and it's a medically induced sleep? How about the mother who is getting two hours of sleep every day with a newborn and struggling for the energy to lift a spoon of cereal into her mouth? Those aren't excuses, they are physical realities. Sometimes, a dream is overrated and the sleep is much more worthwhile. What then Mister-Smarty-Pants-Dove-Message-Writer? Huh?

Those are the DPMs for today. I'll do a couple more tomorrow and see how this goes. It could be fun or it could be a disaster. Either way, we'll learn something.

Monday, October 1, 2007

I'm not dead - yet.

So, despite the lack of comments on here according to my private emails - there are a couple people who actually read this little nothing blog. Thanks!

I'm not dead. I'm just busy and due to lack of sleep, feel like I'm dead. Not that I necessarily know what dead feels like but if it's an achy, irritable, I just want to lie down and left alone for a few freaking minutes type of feeling... well, then, that's where I am.

If it's a still, dry, decaying, my soul has departed for better places type of feeling then... maybe I'm exaggerating.

Either way, I haven't been here. I think I have a lot to post about, but no time at the moment to post about it.

Kind of like vacations...or bills... Does that make sense to anyone but me?