Thursday, January 3, 2008

Dove Promise Messages Update

DPMs: (5-8)

DPM #5: Make a list of your dreams...

...because when you're older it will help you clearly understand why you're a failure. Nothing like a bulleted list of all the things you never had the nerve, money, time or initiative to do, right? Ok, sarcasm aside, making a list of goals is NOT a bad idea. Goals - NOT dreams. See the difference? A goal is something you plan to do, you can work towards it with milestones that end in achievement. Dreams are fantasies that revolve around luck, supernatural intervention, and / or large piles of money. Making a list of dreams is for kids, grown-ups make goals.

DPM #6: Wink at someone driving past today...

Great. Now I'm responsible for some old man totalling his car cause you told me to flirt. You people need to be more specific in your instructions because frankly, that's just dangerous. Not to mention bad driving advice in general or haven't you ever been told to "KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD".

Edit/Update: Someone brought to my attention that this DPM could be directed to a pedestrian to wink at a person driving past in a car. All I can say to that is (insert hysterical laughter). Seriously, who pays attention to the targets... er, I mean people on the sidewalks. I'm in a car, baby, and I'm looking at the other people in large machines that can kill me. You can throw eggs and carry signs, but otherwise - you stay on the sidewalks, I'll stay on the streets and out of the crosswalks and we'll be just fine. If I catch you winking at me, I'm gonna think you're a carjacker and nobody wants that drama in their life. As for the times when I'm a pedestrian, I always have the right of way. Winking at drivers will just get you run over - Welcome to DC.

DPM #7: Smile. People will wonder what you've been up to...

...or they will think you're deranged because you go around smiling like a lunatic all the time. They will wonder what you've been up to, alright. "I wonder who he killed, chopped up and buried in his basement today?" That's what they will be wondering. Unless it's Christmas or you're doing the pained "I'm at the mall and surrounded by mouth-breathing morons who can't read a map and don't know what they came for" grin, a pleasant look on your face is enough. Maybe even a small smile. The big smiles and cheese eating grins - just say no. Save those smiles for people that deserve it. It shouldn't look like you're trying that hard to have a good day.

DPM #8: Laugh uncontrollably... it clears the mind.

...or makes you look clinically insane. See the above message advice and pay close attention. If smiling for no reason makes people look at you funny, laughing out loud uncontrollably for no obvious reason will get you committed. Don't believe me? Try it in a crowd sometime. Call me first, I like to put those types of moments on You Tube.

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