Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Men: Signs and Wonders (1)

You may have noticed in our conversation...

I choose to think of this as a conversation so it's less like I'm just talking to myself. Only crazy people do that. You represent the silent listener and I finally get to talk. Like being at the therapist, only you don't get to ask me stupid questions like "How did it make you feel when that happened?" because I will hit you. How did it make me feel? Bad, you idiot, otherwise WHY WOULD I BE AT A THERAPIST?! Seriously, they give a degree to just anyone these days.

... that I have not discussed men. This is because I believe you should talk about what you know. It is quite obvious by the relationships I have had with men, I that I don't know anything about them. At least nothing about picking a good one, so instead we'll focus on my other strengths.

Signs in men of which you should take note:
These are going to be bad signs since I miss the good ones and frankly, they can be misleading sometimes. There are some signs that have proven through clinical trials (also known as my love life) to be true that I feel I should share. Unlike me, you should not date men with these signs regardless of the fact that they always prove to be bad. Learn from me people, learn!

1. He never meets your friends and family.

Whether through timing, location or bad luck, I've managed to get hooked up with several of these men. At first, you don't even notice it. They go out with you in public and maybe have introduced you to some of their friends. Surprisingly, they have never made it to a party YOU'VE invited them to where your friends will be present. They can never quite make it to the social events with family. There is always a really good reason. Work, family, accidents, illness or some other truly understandable reason is always in place. Sometimes it's even a last minute thing, not his fault right? Right, until you realize it's been almost a year and your friends have still never laid eyes on the guy.

We are discussing relationships of some invested time here. The first time it happened to me, I started losing touch with some of my closest friends. Even my roommate complained of my being gone all the time. Eventually, I started skipping social events if he couldn't attend. He never asked me to do this, but it seemed like the right thing. We'd go to HIS social events instead. Mine never worked out.

What does this sign mean? Well, every woman could tell a different outcome. For some, it meant her man was a control freak and didn't want her planning things. For others, he didn't want to get involved in her personal life any deeper because he knew the relationship had no future on his end. For me, it was a mind game to separate me from people he felt could influence me against him. Exact words: "But you're with me, if they are your friends they should understand you'll be with them less." Innocuous? Maybe... if you're a Stepford wife.

In my case it turned into much larger issues we won't discuss here and the relationship ended. Strangely, it was a hard ending emotionally for me because I had come to depend on him socially after alienating and ignoring my closest friends. I had sworn never to be one of those women, but there I was.

Point to wonder: Why do men do the head tilt/jerk thing at each other in public but they are perfect strangers? Is it the male version of smiling as you walk by? You never see women doing this.

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