For me, it was a Tuesday. Everyone's day is random and unexpected. It's the day you realized you are no longer a kid, young adult, or whatever euphemism represented "carefree youth" to you. The funny thing is that it didn't happen at an expected time.
Graduation? Nope. First real job? Nope. First major debt? Nope. It happened before the loss of my father and my marriage, but after the age of 25. Speaking of which, let me reiterate that if you're a female under the age of 25 beware making major life decisions. There's something about the early 20s that leaves us a little crazy and undecided. Most of the women I know have zero clue who they are and every future plan they may have had is constantly changing.
This is NOT the time to be making major life choices. Why? Because it is much more likely they won't stick and you will either have to undo them or live to regret them. This is just my opinion after almost 40 years of observation and a family with a LOT of females.
Anyway, I say it was a Tuesday because it was a weekday. I remember that much, but I know it wasn't a Monday or a Friday. So Tuesday is just as good as a Wednesday in this case. I was at work and since this was pre-9/11 (a day which totally changed me in other ways), security was much different. We were much more relaxed at work. Life was good.
I had a coworker ask me about a project. The difference was this was a project I was the lead on and was managing the schedule for, so I was only beholden to my boss. I gave them an answer which they did not like and being in a government setting (meaning I was a young female surrounded by a lot of older men and ex-military types), I got a nice dressing down.
It was like a switch flipped in me. The realization that I did not have to accept being treated like an uninformed person because I had chosen to take the responsibility. The understanding that I was the subject matter expert but more than that, I was a human being that deserved the minimum respect of being spoken to professionally if not with courtesy. I remember calmly explaining to the person why I would not be spoken to in that manner and that the schedule was the schedule. I even offered to go with them to address the issue with leadership if the schedule needed adjusting. They refused, content to be angry and helpless. I, on the other hand, was done with the conversation and returned to work.
From that moment on, I no longer just "took what came my way". That, in my opinion, was the mark of no longer being a kid. Young people are content to be victims or recipients of other people's actions and opinions. Their worlds are made or broken by public opinion. They are reactive in their general life philosophy. From relationships to work ethic, there is a general childlike opinion that none of it really applies to them. It's other people that have issues, cause problems, overreact, or fail to do the right thing. They are just along for the ride.
An adult realizes that they play a part in their lives, even passively, and that they must choose to own responsibility for their part in every aspect. Sometimes it's great, most times it's a lot of apologizing, and on the rare occasion it is a true failure that cannot be corrected. In each situation, owning your part and accepting it (which, hey, we all struggle with) is the key. It is this process that grows us into the leaders and elders of a generation.
If you learn nothing from your life and are constantly just reacting to the situations you find yourself randomly in, there is no life experience gained here. Unlike a video game, you don't get credit just for being in the room.
In thinking about that day and every event that has happened since, I realize that the reason I'm not a broken mess on a corner or in a bar is because of that change in me. It was the foundation on which I grew. Now, as a Christian, I credit that foundation's strength to my faith. Because honestly, if we were all just dependent on our human, fallible selves - most of us wouldn't last long. That's the beauty of the relationships we cultivate in life, they are also part of that foundation. Building us up and giving us the courage to be honest when it's hard; work when we're tired, and vulnerable when it's required.
When was your "grow up" moment?
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