So, I'm going to have surgery in a few weeks. I won't pretend I'm not a little scared and nervous about it. Any time you're put under and your body is messed with internally, it's scary. My hubby will be right by my side, which I'm thankful for, and I'm prayerful that all will go smoothly.
Leading up to the surgery, the advice has been that I reduce stress and do a physical cleanse to reduce possible complications under anesthesia, etc.
I've been gradually getting myself ready for many weeks of restricted eating. I'm almost ready to give up the carbs, etc. completely. Almost :)
I think one of my go-to substitutes will be these:
What I haven't been prepared for is the sudden influx of personal stress in my life. I've been writing the series on friendship, right? Suddenly I find myself at a crossroads in one of my relationships. The last piece of the Making Friends series is a tough one. It will be out this week for sure, but I've had a hard time completing it because it involves making some hard decisions.
One of the realizations I've been forced to face is that just because I value and treat someone as a close friend does not mean I can ignore the fact that they don't treat our relationship the same way. Trying to compensate for others or denying facts only has an impact on one person, me. I know this, but like all psych majors - knowing doesn't mean I am always aware when I'm doing it. The amount of stress induced has shown itself physically with me and cannot continue.
So yeah, fasting and purging. Both are hard. I know I will feel better afterwards and be all the healthier and stronger for it, but right now - it kind of sucks. I'm actually not a big fan of change that I can't control or design. Go figure, right?
My silver lining is the people who are truly amazing friends, family and loved ones in my life are on my side cheering me on no matter what. Also, fasting should mean some major weight loss and as an American female - who would not be happy about that, right?
Additionally, I'm reconsidering my theatre life. I love acting, singing and performing in general. There is something so amazing about the creative process and the final results are different for every audience member. Love it.
Lately, however, it hasn't been bringing out the happy in my life. That's not ok. I mean, work doesn't bring out the happy either but I need to do it to pay the bills. I've learned to leave work at work. With theatre, it's much harder because part of theatre is putting so much of yourself into your characters. I've made no decisions here, but I'm thinking about it a lot. Either it's the places I'm at or the people I'm associating with, but something has to give.
The lesson I am learning is that even when you like something, sometimes it's just not good for you and no amount of patience can change that if it's a truth. I don't have all the answers today (as you can see) but I thought I would share with you some of the journey. We all go through these moments and I just wanted to show you're not alone.
We will get through and be all the more valuable when we do, for the most precious and valuable are tempered and forged by fire, y'know.
Now, back to the bright side of life!