Friday, May 24, 2013

My name is not Job

The past 7 days have literally been a series of tests from God.  I don't know if I have passed any of them, but I recognize these "learning moments" from a lifetime of them.

First, the simple stuff - our swimming regimen.  To see how committed I actually am to it, every single thing that can go wrong to prevent our swimming laps - has.  From work picking up, altering my schedule; to someone getting sick in the pool shortly before we arrived, thus closing the pool for a few hours but only leaving time for the children's swim classes; to some adult doing something so gross in the pool area that they had to close the entire thing for a full day; to running out of days to fit the swimming in due to the pool schedule or the family schedule. 

Did I pass the test?  I went whenever we could, even if it was for a shorter amount of time and got in any laps possible.  We've made plans to do that in the following week as well to make up for any missed days this week (only 1).  I have also learned I feel better when I've done the laps.  I push myself even when I get tired to do my minimum (20 laps) and strive to reach my current maximum every time (30 laps).  While I am frustrated the scale doesn't show any difference, my breathing, tone, and flexibility have improved a lot.  So, I'll give myself a solid B on this.  In the future, we may need to have alternate pool schedules handy or I may have to adopt a secondary form of exercise (like Zumba) to keep on schedule.  We'll see.

Second test:  I had the tough situation of taking a year off from a second form of employment I love.  It's for the best, but it's always tough because I love the job, the others I work with, and there is an emotional attachment there.  However, I am convinced it has to be for a good reason.  This, however, was followed with the news that our prime contractor might have lost our contract on my full-time main job.  The fear of losing my job or a serious pay cut affects every part of my life.  Plans to move into a new house, have a child... everything.  So now I'm in the process of rewriting my resume, reconsidering school options, and trying to remain calm. 

Did I pass this test? So far, I haven't completely freaked out.  I like being in control of things in my life, and I'm at sea here.  Learning to let go and trust is... difficult.  A lifelong lesson, in fact, that I've been working on and so far this time, I'm doing ok.  Again, I think I'm earning a B on this.  I need to be more prepared in the future for these kinds of events so fixing my resume is a priority.

Third test:  in the TTC world, the costs keep rising.  Now I have a faint hope that there will be a way to adjust some of the costs and the clinic is working on it - but I worry about it and the strain on our family.  My husband has a lot going on at his job and with my stepson, so I don't want to add to the weight he's carrying.

This test is ongoing and I pray I pass it with flying colors!

Fourth test:  This is a combination of all the small things.  Little annoyances seem to crop up regularly these days.  I find myself getitng snippy with people I love or impatient.  I've started to wallow in worry about family members and our future.  None of this is healthy.  I recognize that. 

Can I pass this test?  I hope so.  Every day is one step at a time, and most of the time - those steps are pretty much in the right direction.  I'll keep plugging away, but I do want to remind anyone who is listening, My name is not Job.  I'd like to believe I have that super strong faith and resolve, but I have fallen short in the past so I'm not so sure.  A little good news would be awesome right about now.

So, if you're reading this blog - it's your chance to share some positive news in your world. 

I'll even go first - this weekend I get to spend with my husband, my godchild, and close friends.  We're not doing anything fancy or impressive, just being with people we love.  Oh - and dogs, dogs we love as well.

How about you?  Post in comments - I would love to share your joy!

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