You may have noticed in our conversation...
I choose to think of this as a conversation so it's less like I'm just talking to myself. Only crazy people do that. You represent the silent listener and I finally get to talk. Like being at the therapist, only you don't get to ask me stupid questions like "How did it make you feel when that happened?" because I will hit you. How did it make me feel? Bad, you idiot, otherwise WHY WOULD I BE AT A THERAPIST?! Seriously, they give a degree to just anyone these days.
... that I have not discussed men. This is because I believe you should talk about what you know. It is quite obvious by the relationships I have had with men, I that I don't know anything about them. At least nothing about picking a good one, so instead we'll focus on my other strengths.
Signs in men of which you should take note:
These are going to be bad signs since I miss the good ones and frankly, they can be misleading sometimes. There are some signs that have proven through clinical trials (also known as my love life) to be true that I feel I should share. Unlike me, you should not date men with these signs regardless of the fact that they always prove to be bad. Learn from me people, learn!
1. He never meets your friends and family.
Whether through timing, location or bad luck, I've managed to get hooked up with several of these men. At first, you don't even notice it. They go out with you in public and maybe have introduced you to some of their friends. Surprisingly, they have never made it to a party YOU'VE invited them to where your friends will be present. They can never quite make it to the social events with family. There is always a really good reason. Work, family, accidents, illness or some other truly understandable reason is always in place. Sometimes it's even a last minute thing, not his fault right? Right, until you realize it's been almost a year and your friends have still never laid eyes on the guy.
We are discussing relationships of some invested time here. The first time it happened to me, I started losing touch with some of my closest friends. Even my roommate complained of my being gone all the time. Eventually, I started skipping social events if he couldn't attend. He never asked me to do this, but it seemed like the right thing. We'd go to HIS social events instead. Mine never worked out.
What does this sign mean? Well, every woman could tell a different outcome. For some, it meant her man was a control freak and didn't want her planning things. For others, he didn't want to get involved in her personal life any deeper because he knew the relationship had no future on his end. For me, it was a mind game to separate me from people he felt could influence me against him. Exact words: "But you're with me, if they are your friends they should understand you'll be with them less." Innocuous? Maybe... if you're a Stepford wife.
In my case it turned into much larger issues we won't discuss here and the relationship ended. Strangely, it was a hard ending emotionally for me because I had come to depend on him socially after alienating and ignoring my closest friends. I had sworn never to be one of those women, but there I was.
Point to wonder: Why do men do the head tilt/jerk thing at each other in public but they are perfect strangers? Is it the male version of smiling as you walk by? You never see women doing this.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
Celebrating (Insert Minority Here)!
I originally wrote this post back in February of 2007. Before I lost my Dad, before I met and married the love of my life... you know, before I grew up a lot. All that being said - this still makes me laugh. I thought of it because right now it's Hispanic Heritage month. Apparently, I haven't grown up all that much... enjoy!
______
Happy Black History Month to you. This holiday began in 1929. The month of February was chosen to celebrate this month because of the momentous occasions that took place in Black American heritage during this month.
Such as Groundhog’s Day.
A day when a lazy little creature goes outside to check the temperature and if he sees his shadow, he decides to either check out what that strange sound is or go inside and hide beneath the bed. No, wait, that’s “White People in Horror Films week.” I get them confused. Updated thoughts: It's unfair to say just white people in here. There are many races that are stupid in these movies, but let's be honest for the most part - they are white. You don't see many movies about black people trying to find out what spirit is attacking them at night - we just move. Leave our crap and go - let the evil one have the sofa! I never see Hispanic or Asian people in these films either going to "check on that noise" or "call up the spirit of the person who was murdered here". Maybe I'm not watching the right films? But I seriously digress... back to the celebrations of the minority (whatever that means these days.)
In all seriousness, the month was picked because Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln were both born in February. If you don’t know why they are important to Black History, then you should go back to Canada or Miami – whichever one you’re from. Updated thoughts: Sadly, this no longer applies to foreign persons - even Miss America might not know as proven on Youtube by many taped interviews with contestants.
What’s interesting is that it’s also the shortest month of the year and it’s confusing because every fourth year, it’s actually a day longer. I would complain about black people getting the jacked up month, but honestly – Hispanic Heritage month is Sept 15 – Oct 15 which is even worse. You can't even get an actual whole month, you have to split it over two and hope it gets funded in the new fiscal year. This observance began in 1968 but it wasn't expanded to a month long observance until 1988 by President Reagan. Americans celebrate the histories, cultures and contributions of American citizens whose ancestors came from Spain, Mexico, the Caribbean and Central and South America. And by Americans, I mean those who aren't protesting that these people are here illegally or are stealing their jobs (because you really wanted to clean houses for a living, right?). Sadly people fail to recognize some of the hardest workers, best kept lawns, and creative house planning ever seen in this country.
Asian Pacific Heritage Month is May – Which celebrates Asian and Pacific Islanders. This lumps Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Indian / Hindu, Arabic, and Korean Americans (for example) with Hawaiian Americans. I consider them totally separate and different, but maybe that’s just me. Eh, so they have to share – they all look alike, right? This observance began in 1978. There's actually not much more info about it...
Native American Indian Heritage Month is… wait for it… November. It’s like salt in the wound. What’s even better is the fact that although the first "American Indian Day" was declared by the State of New York in 1916, a month long recognition of Native Americans was not achieved until 1990. In that year, President George Bush Sr. declared the first National American Indian Heritage Month on August 3.
You’ll note that the people who came first got their month holiday – last. Now, perhaps you’re sitting at your VP desk in your $3k suit frowning because you don’t see your heritage represented here. You’re right, there is no White People Month – cause that’s called “Every Day” for the rest of us. The one exception is in March.
The public celebration of women's history in this country began in 1978 as "Women's History Week" in Sonoma County, California. In 1987, Congress expanded the celebration to a month, and March was declared Women's History Month. Yes, even women got recognized before Native American Indians.
So, that covers the major minority groups (that I know any details about) and thus ends your educational moment for the day.
So, it’s February – do something Black. (Just don’t arrested, pregnant, or be a guest on Maury Povich.)
PS: No, I'm not racist. My family background has so many races in it, I'd have to slap myself with one hand and protest with the other. However, saying "Caucasian People" month is pretentious and frankly, doesn't match how I think. I'm not PC - sorry. I actually don't have an updated thought here - cause I am still not PC. No apologies.
______
Happy Black History Month to you. This holiday began in 1929. The month of February was chosen to celebrate this month because of the momentous occasions that took place in Black American heritage during this month.
Such as Groundhog’s Day.
A day when a lazy little creature goes outside to check the temperature and if he sees his shadow, he decides to either check out what that strange sound is or go inside and hide beneath the bed. No, wait, that’s “White People in Horror Films week.” I get them confused. Updated thoughts: It's unfair to say just white people in here. There are many races that are stupid in these movies, but let's be honest for the most part - they are white. You don't see many movies about black people trying to find out what spirit is attacking them at night - we just move. Leave our crap and go - let the evil one have the sofa! I never see Hispanic or Asian people in these films either going to "check on that noise" or "call up the spirit of the person who was murdered here". Maybe I'm not watching the right films? But I seriously digress... back to the celebrations of the minority (whatever that means these days.)
In all seriousness, the month was picked because Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln were both born in February. If you don’t know why they are important to Black History, then you should go back to Canada or Miami – whichever one you’re from. Updated thoughts: Sadly, this no longer applies to foreign persons - even Miss America might not know as proven on Youtube by many taped interviews with contestants.
What’s interesting is that it’s also the shortest month of the year and it’s confusing because every fourth year, it’s actually a day longer. I would complain about black people getting the jacked up month, but honestly – Hispanic Heritage month is Sept 15 – Oct 15 which is even worse. You can't even get an actual whole month, you have to split it over two and hope it gets funded in the new fiscal year. This observance began in 1968 but it wasn't expanded to a month long observance until 1988 by President Reagan. Americans celebrate the histories, cultures and contributions of American citizens whose ancestors came from Spain, Mexico, the Caribbean and Central and South America. And by Americans, I mean those who aren't protesting that these people are here illegally or are stealing their jobs (because you really wanted to clean houses for a living, right?). Sadly people fail to recognize some of the hardest workers, best kept lawns, and creative house planning ever seen in this country.
Asian Pacific Heritage Month is May – Which celebrates Asian and Pacific Islanders. This lumps Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Indian / Hindu, Arabic, and Korean Americans (for example) with Hawaiian Americans. I consider them totally separate and different, but maybe that’s just me. Eh, so they have to share – they all look alike, right? This observance began in 1978. There's actually not much more info about it...
Native American Indian Heritage Month is… wait for it… November. It’s like salt in the wound. What’s even better is the fact that although the first "American Indian Day" was declared by the State of New York in 1916, a month long recognition of Native Americans was not achieved until 1990. In that year, President George Bush Sr. declared the first National American Indian Heritage Month on August 3.
You’ll note that the people who came first got their month holiday – last. Now, perhaps you’re sitting at your VP desk in your $3k suit frowning because you don’t see your heritage represented here. You’re right, there is no White People Month – cause that’s called “Every Day” for the rest of us. The one exception is in March.
The public celebration of women's history in this country began in 1978 as "Women's History Week" in Sonoma County, California. In 1987, Congress expanded the celebration to a month, and March was declared Women's History Month. Yes, even women got recognized before Native American Indians.
So, that covers the major minority groups (that I know any details about) and thus ends your educational moment for the day.
So, it’s February – do something Black. (Just don’t arrested, pregnant, or be a guest on Maury Povich.)
PS: No, I'm not racist. My family background has so many races in it, I'd have to slap myself with one hand and protest with the other. However, saying "Caucasian People" month is pretentious and frankly, doesn't match how I think. I'm not PC - sorry. I actually don't have an updated thought here - cause I am still not PC. No apologies.
Victoria's Secret and other well known facts
You know when you go into a store (doesn't matter what kind of store) and you kind of know you want or need something there, but you can't quite put your finger on what it is that you want?
In the grocery store, it's that vague suspicion that just that morning you ran out of something vital (milk, cheese, bread, anti-depressant, whatever) and if you go home and walk in the door (which is always the 'AHA' moment you remember what you needed to get) you will be one pissed off person.
At the Target-type playgrounds, it's even worse because you have so many choices. Was is a food, pharmaceutical, clothing, household, or recreational item? This is when you end up with a basket of crap you didn't set out to buy and possibly don't need.
Well, need is such a relative term - what is a want but an unsubstantiated need at a later date? Exactly, you may not need that new CD right now, but when you're on that long drive and realize you've listened to all your other stuff - you'll be glad you have it. That want suddenly became a need, didn't it? Don't argue with my shopping rationalization - Logic has no place in shopping.
The worst, however, is when you walk into a specialty store (Best Buy or Victoria's Secret) and can't quite remember why. I went into PetSmart and wandered for 20 minutes before remembering what the puppy needed. I also purchased another 10 things she may not actually "need" but well, you know my argument there...
Here's the problem - at these specialty stores, you're not exactly getting a bargain. You don't have coupons (usually) with you or discounts beyond the store card (sure, 10% the FIRST time, what about the three years of purchases afterwards - where's my discount then? Huh? HUH?!) So, you're random purchasing is less defensible and infinitely more expensive.
Note: Keep your receipt! You may want to go back and get some of that cash back. See: Returns and Impulse Buying in an upcoming post.
I'm standing in Victoria's Secret staring at perfume and lovely frilly things. I swear to you, the second before I walked in that store I knew exactly what I wanted, in which line and color. I had spent time perusing the catalogue to make my choices. But the minute I entered the store, the sweet perfume smell (which might contain some sort of drug to cause this state of confusion) and pretty frilly things made me forget.
Do I need new bras? Well, I can always use a new bra, but I think I just bought 5 - so I'm probably good. What about panties and thongs? Well, I bought some new ones before the trip to France but I don't like some of them. Maybe I should get more, but my panties drawer is full. I would have to throw some out. I hate doing that because then when you really need to do laundry, you don't have any backups. Well, ok - did you come for pajamas? Sadly, I'm single and the men who want me naked don't want a relationship and are not concerned with my cute sexy garments. Not that men in a relationship would be either, necessarily. Why are you here? Good question.
And that's when I walk out of the store with nothing.
I hate that.
In the grocery store, it's that vague suspicion that just that morning you ran out of something vital (milk, cheese, bread, anti-depressant, whatever) and if you go home and walk in the door (which is always the 'AHA' moment you remember what you needed to get) you will be one pissed off person.
At the Target-type playgrounds, it's even worse because you have so many choices. Was is a food, pharmaceutical, clothing, household, or recreational item? This is when you end up with a basket of crap you didn't set out to buy and possibly don't need.
Well, need is such a relative term - what is a want but an unsubstantiated need at a later date? Exactly, you may not need that new CD right now, but when you're on that long drive and realize you've listened to all your other stuff - you'll be glad you have it. That want suddenly became a need, didn't it? Don't argue with my shopping rationalization - Logic has no place in shopping.
The worst, however, is when you walk into a specialty store (Best Buy or Victoria's Secret) and can't quite remember why. I went into PetSmart and wandered for 20 minutes before remembering what the puppy needed. I also purchased another 10 things she may not actually "need" but well, you know my argument there...
Here's the problem - at these specialty stores, you're not exactly getting a bargain. You don't have coupons (usually) with you or discounts beyond the store card (sure, 10% the FIRST time, what about the three years of purchases afterwards - where's my discount then? Huh? HUH?!) So, you're random purchasing is less defensible and infinitely more expensive.
Note: Keep your receipt! You may want to go back and get some of that cash back. See: Returns and Impulse Buying in an upcoming post.
I'm standing in Victoria's Secret staring at perfume and lovely frilly things. I swear to you, the second before I walked in that store I knew exactly what I wanted, in which line and color. I had spent time perusing the catalogue to make my choices. But the minute I entered the store, the sweet perfume smell (which might contain some sort of drug to cause this state of confusion) and pretty frilly things made me forget.
Do I need new bras? Well, I can always use a new bra, but I think I just bought 5 - so I'm probably good. What about panties and thongs? Well, I bought some new ones before the trip to France but I don't like some of them. Maybe I should get more, but my panties drawer is full. I would have to throw some out. I hate doing that because then when you really need to do laundry, you don't have any backups. Well, ok - did you come for pajamas? Sadly, I'm single and the men who want me naked don't want a relationship and are not concerned with my cute sexy garments. Not that men in a relationship would be either, necessarily. Why are you here? Good question.
And that's when I walk out of the store with nothing.
I hate that.
Returns and Impulse Buying
I'm not sure if everyone has this mentality - probably not - but nonetheless when I shop I always keep the receipts.
This is why I buy random things I'm not entirely certain I want. It doesn't matter, I can return it. What's better - that money becomes free shopping dollars.
I know - it's not really, it's still the same money coming out of my account, only it doesn't seem like it. Now it's free money not tied to my budget. YAY, let's go buy frivolous crap.
Which brings me to impulse buying. These crafty people are very smart with the items they put in creative spots (like right by the line as you're leaving). You can't get out of line and you don't have enough time to really analyze if you NEED that item.
Though, need is a relative term... you may have heard my reasoning with this before.
Then "Tada", you come home with some new and creative tool, gadget, whatever. Sometimes, this turns out to be something really awesome. You congratulate yourself on your amazing find and brilliance. Other times, it turns into a return item.
See the vicious cycle here?
This is why I buy random things I'm not entirely certain I want. It doesn't matter, I can return it. What's better - that money becomes free shopping dollars.
I know - it's not really, it's still the same money coming out of my account, only it doesn't seem like it. Now it's free money not tied to my budget. YAY, let's go buy frivolous crap.
Which brings me to impulse buying. These crafty people are very smart with the items they put in creative spots (like right by the line as you're leaving). You can't get out of line and you don't have enough time to really analyze if you NEED that item.
Though, need is a relative term... you may have heard my reasoning with this before.
Then "Tada", you come home with some new and creative tool, gadget, whatever. Sometimes, this turns out to be something really awesome. You congratulate yourself on your amazing find and brilliance. Other times, it turns into a return item.
See the vicious cycle here?
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